Our relationship felt like a never-ending trip on a broken-down London Underground train that would stop at each station and then turn around and go the other way. Alan and I broke up and got back together a lot for five years, which was a constant emotional roller coaster that made me feel dizzy and tired. Our normal was a whirlwind of dramatic fights followed by intense peace talks. I could not think of a time when our relationship did not go through dramatic highs and scary lows. According to https://cityofeve.org.

When we met for the first time, the uncertainty was exciting—it was like a fast-paced romance in a city that never sleeps. I was still getting used to living in London, and his strange way of life—always on the go and not really in touch with reality—seemed to fit the city’s chaotic vibe. He was always getting into trouble, and at first, I was just going along for the ride, caught up in his circle. For some reason, I thought this was what a loving relationship should be like. The dream of it all was so strong that I did not notice the red flags that were right in front of my face.

The truth of it started to weigh on me after a while. We would get into a huge fight over something small—maybe he thought I was not paying enough attention to him or I was too busy with a friend—and then we would break up with a lot of angry texts and slammed doors. After a few days or a week, he would come back with flowers, an apology, and a promise that things would be different this time. It always worked on me. I really did fear being by myself. It can be very lonely to live in a big city like London. Alan, for all his flaws, was my center, no matter how unstable it was. I felt like I could always count on him, even though he was the one who was making my heart hurt.

Peace and happiness were fleeting, though, as each new wave of strife swept over them. After years of being gentle and helpful, my friends were getting tired of our story. I would call them a week later and cry because it was over after telling them we were back together. The tired sighs they made on the phone made me feel like I was going through the same things. Feeling stuck in a relationship that had lost its magic and turned into a bad habit made me feel like a broken record playing the same sad song over and over again. The casual, fun dates had ended, and in their place was a tense, weak peace that was always about to break. In my heart, I knew that something had to change. This mental roller coaster had to come to an end, and I thought I was the only one who could get off of it for the first time.